Kate Yeo

I went skiing last weekend—my first time in three years, despite living just a bus ride away from the Dartmouth Skiway.

This was a ✨Big Girl✨ moment for me because I never really enjoyed skiing growing up. My family went on several ski trips when I was younger—a real privilege, I know, especially coming from Singapore. But I have always been risk averse, and even as a child I couldn’t help but run through all the worst case scenarios: What if the chair lift breaks down? What if my skis fall off while I’m on the chair lift? What if I go too fast and lose control and end up flying through the air? (If you are familiar with the Enneagram framework, this troubleshooting is very on brand for a Type 6.) I remember the embarrassment of watching my sisters speed ahead while I had to coax myself and cautiously make my way down.

Last weekend though, my younger sister Lauren came up to visit and we decided to take advantage of the Dartmouth Skiway. (Still blows my mind that my school owns a ski mountain??!) We did a couple of test runs on the learners’ slope, before I decided to just bite the bullet and take on a full slope.

We stuck only to the green (easy) routes, so I knew that physically it wasn’t beyond my ability—it was all mental. In skiing, there’s a split second before you turn when you feel the weight of gravity pulling, and fear sets in. You need to lean into that moment because the faster you do, the faster your skis can turn and regain control of the slope. Whereas if you try to micro-manage the way your skis move, or slow down too much, you end up just sliding down.

It took a while, but once I was able to relax my body and just let myself flow with the terrain, I felt so much more comfortable. I literally had SO MUCH fun that day 🥹 Lauren and I squealed and laughed and sang our hearts out. I also loved watching four and five year-olds zoom past me—something about a child’s fearlessness is so precious.

I think those few hours on the slopes were a good reflection of where I’m at in life right now. I came into college uptight, guarded, hyper-competitive, self-centered, and deeply insecure. In many ways, I still am all of those things—but I’d like to think to a smaller extent now. Joy comes more easily to me these days, as does generosity. Turns out, healing manifests in really small things: hosting and cooking for others / losing track of time catching up with a friend / starting my mornings with devotions / adding marshmallows to my hot chocolate without counting the numbers / trying to make my Instagram follower count go down, not up / spending weekends out in the snow because maybe homework isn’t the most important thing in life after all / walking to class each day and thinking, how lucky. How insanely lucky that I get to live this life.

This afternoon, as my friend Michelle and I were working on our ice sculpture for Dartmouth’s Winter Carnival, she turned to me and said, “Freshman Kate would never have done this.” She was right. One, I was much more rigid about time for studying, and two, I used to scorn many of Dartmouth’s traditions. I thought they were silly and stupid and pointless. But… isn’t that the whole point of play??? To do things that we want, even if they’re not tied to productivity or value or worth?

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown writes about the importance of play: when you do things simply for fun, you also learn to shake off a need for control. You give yourself permission to be free and to connect with others. We all have a biological need for play; time spent without purpose is an important form of refuel.

Ironically, learning to play has been one of my biggest takeaways from college. And knowing that my time here is coming up on its expiry date has pushed me to say Yes! to more things. I even took on Dartmouth’s Polar Bear Swim this week: jumping into a frozen pond and doing a short swim in -5°C (!!) weather. (Honestly, the worst part was waiting in line for my turn—we were standing barefoot on a thin tarp and IT WAS SO COLD. My toes hurt so much.) Never again. But I had such a great time with my friends!!! And I’m so glad I did it. Yet another thing off my college bucket list 🥳

Back in junior college, a dear teacher sent me this message: I’m looking forward to the day that you’ve been given enough space to explore and discover who you are till the warmth and joy inside of you overflows.

Dare I say, I’m finally there….? 🥲 I’m so grateful that college has given me the space to grow into my own person. I am still in a state of constant rewriting; I still feel jaded about Big Issues—including the ongoing chaos of American politics. But I’ve truly found so much joy and gratitude in this season of my life. My cup is overflowing!!! And I will waste all my days loving and giving and pouring into others.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

(Matthew 6:19-21)